Bryce’s 4 Stages of First-Time Fathering

1. Apprehension
Six months ago, a little white stick with a blue plus sign told me that my life would soon drastically change. Going, going, gone are the days of seeming financial stability and nights of uninterrupted eight-hour snoozes. With two months remaining in a journey that has only just begun, reality and disbelief battle on (a battle in which reality is always victorious), and in my twisting, knotted stomach, excitement and anxiety are layered until one is indistinguishable from the other. Frantic thoughts of what must be achieved in the present conflict with scattered thoughts of what must be planned for the future. In 2-3-4-5, out 2-3-4-5… Thanks to the birthing class instructor for that tip. I feel better now.

2. Elation
Although my apprehension is real, so is my joy. I have watched an empty room become a nursery, I have felt the bond with and the love for my wife grow like her stomach in the third trimester, I have dreamed and daydreamed of a child I have yet to meet, and I have come to truly understand what others have meant by “the miracle of life”. What was once merely a flutter in Lindsay’s stomach has become a kicking, flipping, hiccupping, thumb-sucking, ahem…self-exploring three-plus pound life.

On more than one a-Monday morning, I have caught myself rocking lazily in the baby’s glider, lost in thought. Baby’s first night home, baby’s first steps, baby’s first words, baby’s first Christmas, first day of school, soccer games, Twins games, Gopher games, video games, reading “Highlights” magazine, sledding on fresh snow, lessons and first-hand accounts of how to use that sled in self defense, Sundays watching football, Sundays playing football… The purest joy I have felt.

3. Realization
With each passing day and each monthly (soon to be biweekly and weekly) checkup, I feel this tremendous weight of responsibility bearing down. I say this not to sound negative in the least, but rather as an admission of this recognition. Topping my list of considerations are keeping the baby safe, raising him to be responsible yet carefree, providing him with a name that cannot be used against him during recess, and teaching him stuff (I know that’s pretty vague, but I could literally name at least 50 things off the top of my head – like how to tactfully swear and the fine art of sticking a foot in the mouth and then carefully trying to remove it). I hope to pass along an appreciation of beauty in everyday events and circumstances, whether a fabric-covered cube-shaped office or a polychromatic sunrise. In many ways, I think I will be trying to teach myself some of these lessons as I try to teach him.

Furthermore, this realization stage has triggered vivid flashbacks in which I picture that kid in Target. You know the one. The one with the scream that causes temporary hearing loss, the likes of which you vowed never to raise, with the parent, the likes of which you vowed to never become. Or that kid on the airplane. You know the one. The one about who people whisper “I hope I don’t have to sit next to that kid”, and the one whom said-whisperer always has to sit next to. Realization has enlightened me to the fact that I may very well at some point be that parent with that kid.

4. Preparation
After two baby classes, I could now generally describe for you the three phases of labor, the signs that baby is making a break for the exit, and a short list of pros and cons for each type of pain relief. Heck, I could even tell you now that human labor doesn’t look all that different from what I have already witnessed at the State Fair’s Miracle of Birth Center.

After painting a nursery (not on my own of course), I could now tell you how to create a horizontal stripe pattern in any room, and may tell you how it adds depth and provides a contrasting focal point.

After registering at two stores, I can now speak the language of baby products, from Boppies and Baby Bjorns to bottles and Butt Paste.

Most importantly, though, nothing and no one has given me such a sense of preparedness as Lindsay. With each comforting pat she gives her growing stomach, and each gentle standing sway to soothe to life within her, I find great relief. Her calm puts me at ease, and reassures me that everything is going to be just fine.